On Dependence

20 Letters: #10

This is the tenth instalment of a series, 20 Letters, where I share letters I wrote and sent via the post, throughout 2020 and 2021, to people in my life. Read more here.

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Dear NA,

Greetings from Corfu, Greece. I have been here for four days, escaping the rain and gloom of London for a week. I’ve come at the very, very end of tourist season, so I’m the sole inhabitant of a five-apartment villa on Marathias Beach, in the south-west of the island. I’ve barely interacted with anyone except the owner of the villa, who cooks me breakfast and dinner, and the waiter at the only open beach-front taverna. It’s exactly what I wanted, but I didn’t expect it to be so empty and quiet. It feels eerie. I can’t begin to understand what your time in Wales was and is. Perhaps quiet and eerie – plus lonely and emotional? – are accurate descriptors.

I’m not sure if I’ve mentioned that one of my many goals for 2020 is to write and send 20 letters. This is letter #10. I’m in Greece to reset, collect my thoughts and write more. I’ve directed each letter to a different person, on a theme or topic that hopefully resonates with them. I thought to write to you this morning while walking on the beach, as I recalled one of our most recent hang outs – a late night at D’s, as commonly occurs – and the topic you brought up of substances and dependence. I wasn’t in the right mental condition to discuss it then but I’m glad you raised it, as it’s something I think about a lot.